i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
