I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
