we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
