I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
