Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
