i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
