if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
