Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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