...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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