i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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