I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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