just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
