I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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