How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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