I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
