in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
