If i come over, it means nothing
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
