i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
