On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
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I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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