I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
