Who did Billy Mays play for?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
