He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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