The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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