How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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