Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
