WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
