So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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