im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
