is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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