Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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