im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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