I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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