its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
