Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
do herpes really smell.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
