Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
