i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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