Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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