how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
