I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life