I think I just saw someone hide a body.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much