I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
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no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
so much tequila, so little girl.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.