Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems