What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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