dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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