I look better un-naked...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize