He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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