This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
