So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
