Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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