Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and she was petting her beer can
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
