His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
