I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
