take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
