Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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