as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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