why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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