More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
