sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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