You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize