I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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