you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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