I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize