He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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