he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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