As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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